Dear friends,

My company just filed for bankruptcy. Chapter seven (the bad chapter). I am still employed, sort of, until some banker/lawyer decides I'm no longer needed to help him liquidate all of our assets, my new depressing directive, and I've got no guarantee of any paycheck of any size and no more health insurance as of this coming Tuesday. So I'm removing the donation link from this site and instead I'm asking those of you who would otherwise throw me five bucks to throw me a job instead or help point me in the right direction. I just got engaged by the way so more than a few weeks' of downtime would cost me some relationship capital, particularly with her parents. Gotta move fast here.

So from breezing through this website you've got an idea of my style and technological talent. Though I went for a minimalist style on this particular ugly site of mine, I can do eye candy too, not just low rent looking websites. I know phones obviously and I know Linux and UNIX, almost every of the major distributions with the most experience on Debian Linux. I know some php, I know enough mysql to manage a badass webmail system, blogs, photo gallery slash blogs, wordpress, I know apache configuration thoroughly (I'm hosting a dozen domains on this single machine), postfix and other mail daemons, I know Linux security (cracked my first password file at age twelve, my second week on a BSD shell), and I know my way around a Blackberry including how to unbrick them and clean the little trackballs (handy skill for the office). Give me something electronic that I haven't touched and I'll figure it out right quick. I'll even get good at Flash if you pay me to do that even though I hate flash. Basically the only common computer thing I'm not good at is Excel nor would I want a job that required that skill.

What I'm looking for: New York City-based, Manhattan ideally (but I'll settle for Harlem or Brooklyn if the office is really close to a subway stop), I'd appreciate a lowballed $62k salary offer which I'd try to negotiate up to $69k with a bonus pledge (hey, Manhattan is expensive!), I want to be used in more exciting capacities than just doing vanilla IT guy stuff (meaning I want to do websites, servers, phones, ... even maritime technological engineering instead of just helping people change their viewing panes on Outlook), I need health insurance and coverage of my phone bill.

About me: I'm not that bizarre and I can blend in, I'm only weird and arrogant on this website, I'm polite and respectful, I'm clean cut and dress sharp, no tattoos or piercings, I've never been fired, I don't eat lunch, no criminal record, I don't do drugs or drink in the morning and I don't harass people sexually or gamble. I have spent less than half my vacation for the past three years and I don't take sick or personal days. I never lie. I can play guitar. And I've been one of only two at an office of seventy holding the technological fort down -- and doing it well -- for a company with several offices (we are/were the communication hub of them all, the headquarters) and over a hundred vessels (we are/were a maritime shipping company with subsidiaries, four of which had websites that I designed and hosted). And on those sites I photoshopped the rust off our vessels convincingly (look) so I can use those skills for girly magazines or make women in their sixties look like they're in their upper fifties (look).

By the way some guy just emailed me this:

Message: 65-75k a year.. doctors barely make that much. You need to low ball it a bit more if you're really looking for a job with little expertise in a needed field. Just giving you a heads up. But that salary is just ludicrous.

Manhattan as they say is twice the fun (six times the price) and vanilla IT guy stuff, something I can do in addition to much more, has in some places like the financial sector a market rate in excess of $70K. That's probably more than what this guy's city, Vancouver, offers for both IT guys at JPMorgan Chase and doctors. Not only that I have racked up my share of experience in a wide array of IT subsets not just involving putting together an elegant and professional looking coporate-vibe website and changing the viewing preview pane from horizontal to vertical on someone's copy of Outlook but to, to offer an example of what I did in the past six days, building and configuring a new server for former employees who are starting a new company. I did it very well and they'll need a lot more from me and might hire me if they raise enough capital. Another unique thing I can do and have already chalked up a perfect batting average doing, and have DHS seaport credentials to do this without credentials, was being dispatched to our vessels when their systems fail and cannot communicate and restoring that quickly and solidly, leaving it better than the guys who set the systems up in the first place did. I think I am worth more than $70k given my skills, experience and location but I'll settle for $60k given my situation and the economy. It's not ludicrous. But Ron (the guy who wrote that) and those of you who have sent me tips and those who will, thank you and keep it coming. Please.

Update 7/28: I've got a formal resume and a website portfolio polished up. If you'd like to look at it, let me know in the contact thing below and I'll send it to you. Even if it's only of encouragement, shoot me a message or go back:

Thanks.
Doug Simmons